夕陽蓮步盡天邊，
淺笑輕顰見艷漣；
静倚欄杆烟水際，
餘暉萬彩儲心田。
Qi Jue: 28-Character Quatrain
"Countenance Painting"
-- by 無求劍客 'No Desire Swordsman'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue
Inching towards the sky-edge, sets the Sun e'ening;
She smiles gently at the ripples glistening.
Hazy sea: on the quiet railing we're leaning;
Engraved in my heart, myriad hues remaining!
Sunset photo by 'No Desire Swordsman'
Hi Frank,
ReplyDeletePlease enlighten me:
I think the poem describes about the sunset and a beautiful lady.
Therefore, if this is correct, I suggest you change the first word on line 3 from "It" to "She".
Also if the poem is talking about a beautiful lady, should we use the "residual sunray" as a background. I suggest "Morning sunray" is better as "residual sunray" is normally refer to old people!
It's just my own opinion. I hope you don't mine. If I misunderstood you and the poem, I would be glad to hear your great thoughts.
thank you, cyberman,
ReplyDeleteu r right!
i've accordingly made the following changes' to lines 2 n 3 of my earlier rendition, thus:
SHE smiles gently at the ripples glistening.
Hazy sea: on the quiet railing WE'RE leaning;
Hi, Frank,
ReplyDeleteI like your second version much better.
Thank you for taking my suggestion.
Have a good day!
Hi Frank, allow me to try my rendition:
ReplyDelete《七絕 – 描容》無求劍客
Poem titled "Describing a face" by A Desireless Swordsman
夕陽蓮步盡天邊，
淺笑輕顰見艷漣；
静倚欄杆烟水際，
餘暉萬彩儲心田。
The sunet inches slowly to the horizon,
Your light frown little smile reflects in many ripples glitter.
Lean quietly against the railing fusing into the misty water,
The brilliant twilight stores in my heart lasting long after.
thank you, cyberman!
ReplyDelete