Thursday, 27 February 2014

一老年人 杯酒嘯天離俗愁 舞刀吟月不言休 Wine cup in hand, howling towards the skies



《七絕‧嘯天》一老年人

       杯酒嘯天離俗
       舞刀吟月不言
       氣豪和唱閑心好,
       花賞蕩舟無別


Qī Jué Xiào Tiān:
"28-Character (7-character x 4 lines) Quatrain":
'Howling Towards the Skies'
-- by 一老年人 'A Man of Advanced Years'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

Wine cup in hand, howling towards the
                           skies, forgetting worldly care,
Dancing with my broadsword, singing 
                   to the Moon, "Stop," I'll ne'er say.
Harmonizing chivalry with fine attitude,                                          mine's a leisurely mood fair!
With no other desires, I am enjoying the 
                    flow'rs and my boat on the waves.


i'm not at all happy using on line 1 "howling towards the skies" for "嘯天".
but what is the most appropriate term?

should i say "whistle-howling at the skies"? anyone?

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Rhymes Common in English Poetry 英詩的押韻

詩的押韻: 
Rhymes Common in English Verse

A talented, extraordinarily industrious fellow ‘netizen’-- who is tutored by some brilliant, selfless and equally diligent i-professor and i-assist professors and progressing by leaps and bounds in her classical Chinese poetry-writing skills within a short period of time -- inquired about the following:

< 請問英詩詞是否也有押韻規格?
   例如 #1. 羨魚兄的:seen to been
            #2. 星河兄的:   drizzling, boating and                            blossoming.  >

"What are the rules and format of Rhymes in English poetry?" 

(i'm glad it seems she's about to try her hand at some English poetry writing!)

Ah! The 2 'culprit translations' of the poem by
夜月星河 《春日西湖遊》 :)   ;}
      
#1. "One Spring Day Boating on West Lake"
        
        The three-mile long bank in 
                                       drizzles is mistily seen;
        Boating on the crystal lake, I'm 
                                      drunk in the east wind.
        Every willow leaf is fresh and 
                                             every leaf is green;
        Each tree's red, each tree a peach 
                                     tree as it's always been.

(Rhyme scheme-- the pattern of rhyming lines in a poem --
This one is the Arch-Rhyme: abba)
      
 #2.   Misty is the three-mile long bank 
                                              due to drizzling;
         Drunk in the easterly on the lake 
                                                 while boating.
         While leaves of every willow tree 
                                             are freshly green,
         All flowering peach trees in red 
                                               are blossoming.
        
      (Rhyme scheme: aaxa, a la the Chinese quatrain format. )     

Starry River’s original Chinese poem under translation
  :)          《春日西湖遊》夜月星河

                  十里長堤細雨
                  翠湖舟泛醉東
                  絲絲新柳絲絲綠
                  樹樹桃花樹樹(aaxa)


Some ‘confessions’ first:
  1. I’m not really qualified to “tutor” or “enlighten” someone on the finer points of Rhymes in English Poetry. I had no formal training on this at all. (I did not major in Eng. Lit. in my undergrad years, though I’d love to study that. The harsh reality was 'jobs first, interests and girls later.')  So, carry on reading this article 'at your own risk'!
  2. I’m typing out my ideas in English (on my tiny netbook) because my Chinese is so rusted now, I dread picking up the pen to write on the writing pad. (in any way, I can’t use my other computer to write in Chinese. one may have noticed that my ‘responses in Chinese’ are the product of ‘copy and paste’ only!)
  3. I was really hoping the ‘other guy’ -- a real poet in the full sense of the word in both the c n e languages -- would come to the rescue and give some satisfactory answer. (O where’s the cavalry?)
  4. For my own well-being (I have no heart problems, thank you and would like to keep it this way), I would be likely shunning any future questions. (aye, I’d be 'mute and deaf'.) Academic or technical questions should best be directed to the qualified ‘i-professor’ or ‘i-asst. professors’ on this forum (forum.hkej.com), please.

Yes, there are certainly Different Types of Rhymes in English Poetry.

     A Rhyme, or Rime, refers to the Sameness of 
      Sound of the Endings of Two or More Words at the 
      Ends of Lines in a Poem or Verse. Basically, two elements       are involved -- the Last Stressed Vowel  and  All The 
      Following Letters, which together create an obvious                 structure of degree (in an organized manner).

Here are The More Common Rhymes as far as I can gather, quite literally, from cyber space(The following is intended as a general guide only. The boundaries among certain groupings are rather fluid and the groups shown are not necessarily mutually exclusive.)


A.  Similarity in Sounds and Words
1.   Full, Exact, True or Perfect Rhyme:
       
1.1. Vowel Rhyming 
       Matched by the Number of Syllables and Final        Stressed Syllable.
        Examples:  
        "hand, band"; "life, wife";
        "tip, dip"; "dove, love";
        "say, day, play"; "measure, pleasure."

      Extract from Lord Byron's "Farewell to                  the Muse": 
                                                        
     Farewell, my young Muse! since we 
                                          now can ne'er meet;
     If our songs have been languid, they                                                                      surely are few;
     Let us hope that the present at least 
                                                     will be sweet --
     The present -- which seals our eternal Adieu.

              (Rhyme scheme -- Cross-Rhyme: abab)

1.2. Consonant Rhyming 
       Pairing similar Consonants with different                   Vowels:
       "limp, lump"; "lump, lamp"; 
       "bit, bet."

              Extract from Alfred Lord Tennyson's                                        "The Deserted House":


          Life and thought have gone away
          Side by side,
          Leaving door and windows wide:
          Careless tenants they!
          (Rhyme scheme --  Couplet Rhyme: aabb)


1.3  Imperfect, Slant, Half, Approximate or                Near Rhyme
       A. A rhyme between a Stressed and an                         Unstressed Syllable:
            "wing, caring"; 
            "fling, firing" (-- they end in "-ing").
        
      B. Assonance --
            Matching/similar Vowels, different Consonants:
           "shake, hate"; "dip, dim".

      C. Consonants --                                                           Matching/similar Consonants, different Vowels:
           "rabies, robbers".

           Matching Final Consonants:
           "bent, ant".

           All Consonants Match (Para-Rhyme):
           "hand, bind"; "tell, tall". 

1.4  Weak, or Unaccented Rhyme
        A rhyme between two sets of One or More
        Unstressed Syllables:  
        "hammer, carpenter".

1.5  Rich Rhyme (from French rime riche)
       A word rhyming with its Homonym:
       "blue, blew"; "guessed, guest."
         
       A word that Extends the Rhyming Sequences          Backwards from the Last Stressed Vowels:
       "right hánd, fright ánd".

1.6  Semi-Rhyme
       A rhyme with an Extra Syllable on One Word:
       "bend, ending".

1.7  Forced, or Oblique Rhyme
       A rhyme with an Imperfect Match in Sound:
       "green, fiend"; "one, thumb".


B.  Rhymes in Stress Patterns (Cadence)
     Words as well as Their Sounds that are 
     Remarkably Similar.
       
      When the Last Stressed Vowels are in the Last         Syllables the Rhyme is Stressed (this was                 formerly called 'Masculine Rhyme'). 
      Examples: "hánd, bánd"; "cáre, bewáre".

   When the Last Stressed Vowels are followed            by One or More metrically Unstressed Syllables      the Rhyme is Unstressed (or 'Feminine').                  Examples:  "hánding, stánding"; "Atlántic,            gigántic".

       
C.  Rhymes by Position in A Line/Stanza
      End, or Terminal Rhyme
      
      Initial, Head Rhyme (or Alliteration)
           This is simply Matching the Initial Consonants.


           Excerpt from my rendition of Moon Night
           Starry River's "Spring Sentiments" 《春意》
       夜月星河 :

     'On the wind the white willow catkins ride'

       for the 3rd line of his 28-Character Quatrain: 
       ' 隨風柳絮飄飄白'


          《春意》  夜月星河
               四野昏黄暮色濃,
               歸鴉點點過長空;
               隨風柳絮飄飄白, 
               逐水桃花片片紅。 

      Internal Rhyme 
           Extract from William Blake's "From the                                    Rossetti Manuscript":
             I heard an Angel singing
            When the day was springing.
            "Mercy, Pity, Peace
            Is the world's release." 
             (Rhyme scheme -- Couplet Rhyme: aabb)

      Medial Rhyme

      Broken Rhyme


D.  Others
      Identical, Null, or Auto-Rhyme
      A Word rhyming with Itself, or Repeated Lines       or Refrains that may vary slightly (as in                     ballads). 

      Example: 
     Emily Dickinson's "Because I Could not Stop                                        for Death": 
            We paused before a house that seemed
             A Swelling of the
Ground--
             The Roof was scarcely visible-- 
             The Cornice--in the
Ground.



       (Rhyme scheme -- Single-Rhyme: xaxa)

Another Excerpt from William Blake's "The                                                Lamb":

        Little Lamb who made thee
       Dost thou know who made thee
       Little Lamb I'll tell thee,   
       Little Lamb I'll tell thee!
       (Rhyme scheme for the whole poem --  
         Couplet Rhyme: aabb)

     Macaronic Rhyme
      Verse uses More Than One Language (as in 
     medieval lyrics with Latin refrains).
      
      A Modern Example from my rendition of 
     一老年人  《南歌子‧蓮》ci below regarding      "炎炎夏日掛驕陽":

          TUNE: Nan Gor Zi  "Southern Song Singer"
      TITLE: Lian  "Lotus"    
                  -- by  一老年人 'A Man of Advanced Years'
       
                 Chaud! Chaud!  (French: Hot! Hot!)
              Hanging Summer Sun's hot like so!  

     Eye, or Printer's Rhyme   
     Rhymes based on Similarity of Spelling rather          than Sound.
     Example:
     "cough, bough, dough"; "love, move".

     Mind Rhyme 
     Example:
       That's right! They will sever 
                                           your 'write' hand!
       There, will you just stare, shake and stand?
        If in your mind you read "write" hand as "right" hand,                 this is Mind Rhyme. (The poem in question is about a Hong Kong                                        newspaper editor who was hacked six times with a meat cleaver in a brutal
               attack to silence him.)

     Mosaic Rhyme     
         The Use of Multiple Words to Form a Rhyme.        Example: "poet, know it".
     Or of Rhyming Phrases. 
     Example: "you're the one, in the Sun".

       Spelling Rhyme 

      Wrenched Rhyme, etc.

now, coming back to the initial question and the 2 translated pieces, it should be clear that the Rhymes used in:

Translation #1 above --
    "seen, been" are Perfect Rhymes,
    "wind, green" : Forced or Oblique Rhymes.  

Translation #2 above --
    "drizzling, boating, blossoming" are 
     Imperfect or Slant Rhymes.



O! 'Czarist' Russia and the powder-keg Crimea -- again!!

it's probably timely to re-visit Lord Tennyson's most famous poem here, from the Rhyming point of view:

Excerpt from Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "Charge of the Light  Brigade":

         Half a league, half a league,
                 Half a league onward,    
         All in the valley of Death
                 Rode the six hundred.
         "Forward, the Light Brigade!
          Charge for the guns!" he said;
          Into the valley of Death
                Rode the six hundred.

          "Forward, the Light Brigade!"
           Was there a man dismay'd?
           Nor tho' the soldier knew
           Some one had blunder'd:
           Their's not to make reply,
           Their's not to reason why,
           Their's but to do and die:
            Into the valley of Death    
                   Rode the six hundred.


from <wikipedia>:

< "The Charge of the Light Brigade" is an 1854 narrative poem by Alfred, Lord Tennyson about the Charge of the Light Brigade at the Battle of Balaclava during the Crimean War. He was the poet laureate of the United Kingdom at the time of the writing of the poem.> ...

<The Crimea War ... (October 1853 – February 1856) was a conflict in which Russia lost to an alliance of FranceBritain, the Ottoman Empire, and Sardinia
While neutral, Austria played a role in stopping the Russians.>

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

孫星衍 莫放春秋佳日過 最難風雨故人來 O Let not the Spring and Autumn fine days


清 • 孫星衍 之聯句

莫放春秋佳日過,  最難風雨故人來。


Famous Couplet
-- by Sūn Xīngyǎn (Qing Dynasty)
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

O Let not the Spring and Autumn 
                             fine days just pass you by;

How precious -- an old friend at the 
                               door at one's harsh trial.

七月星 濃煙雨絮晴難現 霧困行船在眼前 The thick smog and light drizzles


七絕 。念七月星

      濃煙雨絮晴難
      霧困行船在眼
      寂寞孤鷹天際遠
      思君萬里惹情



Qī Jué: "28-Character Quatrain"
"Remembering"
-- by 七月星 'Seven Moon Star'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

The thick smog and light drizzles just hide 
                                             the Sun from sight;
Besieged by fog, maroon'd boats can't move                                                      fast as they might.
A lonely sea-eagle slowly circles the distant sky;
By the thoughts of you through thousands 
                                     of miles, I'm still beguile'.

Sunday, 23 February 2014

A World-class City of Distinction Dying by Slow 'Self-Suffocation'! Give me Liberty or Death!


A World-class City of Distinction
Dying by Slow 'Self-Suffocation'!
-- by Frank C Yue

-- A Classic Tragedy, could it be
   Or a Melodrama? We shall see...

Give me Liberty or Death!
"Death! Who's talking about death?
Patience, bear with me with all that.
'Death' is a slow process.
'2047' is not yet here;
You still have 33 years."

 "For now, clear the deck,
Just put the noose 'round the neck.
As yet, I don't want you dead.
'You'll be fine!' -- just play mute and deaf!
Think of the 'all-soothing' Money,
Plus the 'all-happy' Harmony."

Amid another crimson Storm,
Be not afraid, be brave and strong!
Pulling the noose too tight --
Do what good to you, it might?
Ev'ryone needs space-freedom to breathe,
O Let the vibrant City live!

When 'self-purging' and 'o'er-corrections'
Were carried to the extreme,
Gone will be the cream of the cream
With balancing observations.
O Send in all the clowns;
On themselves they should frown.

"Wasn't it God's doing I fell away?
Was it God who set me astray?"
He's no need of wicked man, too.
But, His will it's loyalty to do.
He sets before you water and fire--
Whiche'er you choose stretch out your hand.**

This, the City of Milk and Honey --
Producing golden eggs a-plenty,
Where people can walk and talk free --
Between Two Worlds it is the link;
Let it shine and keep it shining!


**Note:
From the Bible: Sirach 15: 11-16.

The sinner is fully responsible for his/her conduct because God, who sees all things, is not the author of wickedness: He gives to every man/woman the liberty to choose between good and evil.  'Water' represents salvation and life, 'fire', damnation and death. 

from the net:
< ... 新聞(和言論)自由對開放社會的重要性,再說便嫌囉嗦了;而香港在這方面的自由度,自從「二十三條立法不成」後急轉直下,那是不爭之實,這從香港在無國界記者組織評定的新聞自由指數,由二○○二年的在世界排名第十八位下降至去年(2013)的第六十一位可見。... >

Saturday, 22 February 2014

金弓 官官姓馬,駒駒中箭 OFFICIALS whose family name’s MA

趣聯  金弓

官官姓馬,駒駒中箭;

路路有門,閘閘需錢。


A Funny Modern Chinese Couplet
-- by 金弓 'Golden Bow'
-- an Interpretative Translation by Frank C Yue

(A Random Generalization --)
OFFICIALS whose family name’s MA
Might be known as Anthony Ma,
Or Ma Tony, even Ma Becky…
They ride their STALLIONS that just bleed –
From ARROW wounds badly in need
Of healing (-- from rampant Corruption)!

Built on ev’ry ROAD are the DOORS!
No exceptions! The rich and poor
All need to travel through more doors.
To open GATES there’s toll MONEY --
To oil the wheels with sweet honey.
All tolls open only for money!
(-- Some Frightful Observation!)


Note by Translator:
1.  Disclaimer: The names in English shown in the posting above are entirely fictitious. Any correlation to real persons or events is purely accidental.

2.  It is in fact virtually impossible to translate, due to huge linguistic differences, the original Chinese couplet that is written in the 'character-building' or 'exploded-character' style.

Friday, 21 February 2014

九鳥 擺腦搖頭逐字,長嗟短嘆填詞 Swaying my head from side to side


九寄【破陣子】

擺腦搖頭逐字,長嗟短嘆填詞。
雪月風花出妄想,國恨家愁空謬思
上壇偷學師。


韻律平仄非懂,格式對仗存疑。
拾字街頭胡說異,拗句坊間亂叫噫。
乜誰犯賤兒。


TUNE: PO ZHEN ZI: 
             "Crushing the Enemy Formations"
TITLE: "Swaying my head from side to side"
-- by 九鳥 'Nine-Bird' 
-- Translated by Frank C Yue 

Swaying my head from side to side --
The right words I just try to find.
I sigh high, I moan low --
So that fluid verse may flow.
From Nature's snow and moon-light,
The wind soft and flowers bright --
Fanciful thoughts born with delight!
With laments for my country,
Worries at home a-plenty;
How could I ever be free?
It's best to learn from each other
At the forums in Space-Cyber.

For rhyme, rhythm, intonations --
I have alienation.
For form, structure, comparison --
Doubtful is my presentation.
Picking up words from the street,
Strange things I may say or tweet;
Whilst arguing on a sentence
There may not be any substance.
O Mine!
Some conflict-seeking guy! 

only recently i have time to translate Nine-Bird's above ci that was written on april 30 this year in response to my posting the following 辛棄疾 ci:

《破陣子 • 為陳同甫賦壯語以寄》 南宋 • 辛棄疾

醉裏挑燈看劍,夢回吹角連營。
八百里分麾下灸,五十弦翻塞外聲。
沙場點秋兵。  


馬作的盧飛快,弓如霹靂弦驚。
了卻君王天下事,嬴得生前身後名。
可憐白髮生!


TUNE: PO ZHEN ZI "Crushing the Enemy Formations"
TITLE: "Words of Encouragement sent to Chen Tongfu"
-- by XIN QIJI (1140-1207)
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

Drunk, I brighten up the flame on the lamp
To examine a fine sword with my name;
In m'dream, from garrison to garrison,
The horns a-blowing in unison.
The troopers wolf down their barbequed beef bless'd
With sounds of string music in the wilderness.
Parading my troops I stand (with eagerness).
Our war horses charge forth as if they were flying;
All drawn bows release their arrows like thundering.
Now, fulfilling the Sovereign-granted mission fine --
For prosperity, the great Fame shall be mine.
O! A pitiable white-hair guy!

星河 Green is the land where the grass comes to lay 青青芳草地

<夜月星河: 
Frank,
Morning!
Enjoy reading your rendition!  Mine is as follows:


Wu JuéChūn Rì: 
"20-Character (5 character x 4 lines) Quatrain" -- "Spring Day"
-- by 木喬  'Bridge'
-- Translated by 夜月星河

Green is the land where the grass comes to lay;
A secluded hill is so far away !
Amid the blue water and the light waves,
Spring breezes cause a tiny boat to sway.

           《五絶 ‧ 春日 木喬

                  青青芳草地,
                  杳杳一山丘。
                  綠水輕波裏,
                  春風蕩小舟。


<Thank you! 夜月星河 'Starry River' is, in my view, 
truly a top poet and poet-translator 高手 in both the 
Chinese and English languages! --fy>

夜月星河 夾道桃花樹樹紅 遠山霧鎖景朦朧 Red are the peach trees flanking the road long


《七絕 ‧ 春遊》夜月星河

       夾道桃花樹樹
       遠山霧鎖景朦
       孤村水繞輕舟泊,
       疑在桃源世外


Qī Jué ‧ Chūn You:
"28-Character Quatrain" "Spring Outing"
-- by 夜月星河  'Night Moon Starry River'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

Red are the peach trees flanking the road long,
Blurry the fog-enveloped distant hills;
A lone village and light boats on the rills --
To the fabled Peach Flow'rs Spring could 
                                                               I've gone?

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

大道至簡 至「森破」Simple!"Yes means Yes; No means No."


大道至簡,至「森破」 Simple!


Simple is the Way, the Truth.
Truth is Beauty;
Truth is Duty.
Truth applies to All --
Tall or short, big or small.
Truth is true to us and you.

Hear! Hear this, everyone --
Those who have ears 
O Let them hear --
"Yes means Yes;
No means No.
Anything else is from the evil one."

Whene'er and where'er you go,
Isn't this always like so?
When the traffic light's 'Red' it says "No!"
When the light is 'Green' it says "Go!"
Truth is Duty;
Truth is Beauty!

夜月星河 十里長堤細雨濛 翠湖舟泛醉東風 The three-mile long bank in drizzles is mistily seen



《春日西湖遊》夜月星河
     
     十里長堤細雨
     翠湖舟泛醉東
     絲絲新柳絲絲綠,
     樹樹桃花樹樹


"One Spring Day Boating on West Lake"
-- by 夜月星河 'Night Moon Starry River'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

The three-mile long bank in drizzles 
                                                      is mistily seen;
Boating on the crystal lake, I'm drunk 
                                                   in the east wind.
Every willow leaf is fresh and every 
                                                         leaf is green;
Each tree's red, each tree a peach tree as 
                                                   it's always been.


Tuesday, 18 February 2014

After planting, the lotus when I’ll see? 'Take 2' on 試種荷蓮盼一開


below is 夜月星河's fine rendition of the 七月星《七絕‧花池poem :  



May water lilies bloom when planted there?
Swimming gaily, some baby fish appear.
While worrying the leaves may become 
                                                   the fish fodder,
A golden flower under the sun smiles 
                                                 with good cheer !


七絕‧花池 七月星

       試種荷蓮盼一
       雛魚驚現樂游
       正憂葉變魚恩物
       日照金荷笑面


of course, a Chinese quatrain should be similarly translated into an English quatrain -- wherever possible.
my 'take 2' 4-line rendition of the poem follows:


Qī Jué: "28-Character (7-character x 4                                                  lines) Quatrain"
Huā Chí: "Flower Pond"
-- by 七月星 'Seven Moon Star'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

After planting, the lotus when I’ll see?
Suddenly, gay fish hatchlings just appear.
Tender leaves could be fish fodder, I fear.
Then, in the Sun golden flow’rs smile at me!  

Sunday, 16 February 2014

木喬 青青芳草地,杳杳一山丘。O Fragrant green, green grassy ground -- Atop a far, far-away mound!


《五絶‧春日 木喬

      青青芳草地,
      杳杳一山
      綠水輕波裏,
      春風蕩小


Wu JuéChūn Rì: 
"20-Character (5-character x 4 lines) Quatrain": 
"Spring Day"
-- by 木喬  'Bridge' 
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

O Fragrant green, green grassy ground --
Atop a far, far-away mound!
Amid blue-water gentle waves,
In the Spring breeze a small boat sways!

一老年人 亭前斜柳訴閒悠 In front of the pavilion, Slanting willow leaves gently sway, Whispering in a leisurely way


《七絕 ~ 悠閒》一老年人

      亭前斜柳訴閒
      波上紅蓮忘俗 ;
      品茗挑箏浮日白,
      韻揚飄絮更知


Qī Jué Yōu Xián:
"28-Character (7-character x 4 lines) Quatrain":
" Leisurely Ease"
-- by 一老年人 'A Man of Advanced Years'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue


In front of the pavilion,
Slanting willow leaves gently sway,
Whispering in a leisurely way.
Red lotus flow'rs riding the waves,
Forgetting all worldly care,
(Are always found in same spots there.)


The slow, quiet floating white Sun,
Vase of hot tea, the zheng playin' --
All this bliss I am taking in.
On the wings of music and a
Sky full of catkins drifting free --
The more I learn of serenity.

Saturday, 15 February 2014

七月星 閉月羞花露意思 You, who put The Moon to shame, Who to Other Flow'rs do the same


《七絕 ‧ 粉蓮 七月星

      閉月羞花露意
      涓涓流水訴情
      既驚驟雨風雲變,
      又恐驕陽灼蓋



Qī JuéFěn Lián:
"28-Character (7-character x 4 lines) Quatrain": 
"Pink Lotus"
-- by 七月星 Seven Moon Star
-- Translated b Frank C Yue

You, who put The Moon to shame,
Who to Other Flow'rs do the same,
Are the apple of The Dew's eye!
The gentle Murmuring Brook flows by,
Telling you -- never enough --
How with you he's madly in love!

Worry-some are the Heavy Showers
And sudden change in The Weather.
(These all concerned should ponder.)
So tender your stems and flowers --
I'm also fearful the Hot Sun
Might burn or scorch you,  my Loved One!

Smoke in the country takes wing while the cuckoos sing 杜鹃聲裏野煙浮 'e rendition 2'


七絕 ‧ 春日》夜月星河
     
       杜鹃聲裏野煙
       碧水盈盈蕩小
       堤岸桃紅新柳綠,
       白雲春夢兩悠


Qī Jué‧Chūn Rì: 
"28-Character Quatrain . Spring Day"
-- by 夜月星河 'Night Moon Starry River'
-- Translated by Frank C Yue

Smoke in the country takes wing while 
                                                  the cuckoos sing;
A small boat sways on the water aqaumarine.
On banks, red peach flow'rs and green 
                                         fresh willows are seen;
The white clouds and Spring dreams are 
                                                  leisurely cruising.



this is my 'Take 2' rendition of Starry River's qi jue quatrain which the poet himself  夜月星河  has translated into a quatrain in English below:  Bravo!
(and of course, ideally, a 4-line Chinese quatrain should be similarly translated into a 4-line English quatrain.)

Qī Jué‧Chūn Rì: 
"28-Character Quatrain . Spring Day"
-- by 夜月星河 'Night Moon Starry River'

When cuckoos sing, smoke in the 
                                          wilderness is rising;
On the limpid water a tiny boat is rocking.
On both banks are green willows 
                               and peach trees flowering;
Have carefree spring dreams while white                                           leisure clouds are drifting.